I am in bed, it is after midnight and the bright screen of the computer is painful to my eyes. I have a huge headache, a fever and an inflammatory (pulpitis) in my tooth what is pressuring a nerve. A hell of a pain! I just took a 600mg ibuprofen, what I never do, because this girl thinks that she can fix always everything with nature and natural products. I still do, but the pain was creeping up on me and killing me softly that I couldn’t even cry, while I so wanted to, because of the pain. Anyhow, that shit is working and for now I am very happy that the friendly good looking dentist here in Norway gave me some today. He advised me, if I could handle the pain just a little longer, that I would be better off if my own dentist would do the treatment within a couple days when I am back in the Netherlands, otherwise they would open it up twice. And of course I said that I could handle it, followed by some very wise and ‘spiritual’ words: ”I am not my body, so this is going to be a good practice”. “Yeah.. Right” is what I red when I looked into his bright blue eyes.
I am going back to the Netherlands tomorrow. At least I hope I am going to make it home by tomorrow. I just received a message of KLM that my flight is cancelled. However, I am still going to Oslo, since I am 5 hours by bus away and would never make it if I receive a message that I am booked on the next flight 2 hours later or so. I might have to spend the night in Oslo. With a fever in my body and a painful tooth it would be a bummer to spend a night in Oslo and not exploring it, but whatever happens happens. I am just gonna watch my own lifes show, while I am trying not to be cut up in my physical painful body to much. Surrendering to it all is what I mean, the best way to go. What is actually always the best way to go.
I am in love with 2018 already and it is not because everything goes so very smooth and fine. I have some interesting mood swings. I am experience myself everyday as a another person, a new karakter. From a goofy girl that howls like a wolf during a hike in the snow to a bitchy chick that is rebelling, for no other reason than to rebel. And now I am covert in blankets and a painful body feeling sorry for myself. I see it all happening. I am part of it and I am not. I am all the karakters and I am non. 2018 is ON. I have bursted out in a lot of action and I’ve been extremely lazy watching movies all day. In the experiences I feel free. Free to be everything and to appear as everything. I am allowing myself to express the hole spectrum. Detached but involved.
It all feels like a dreamy state of being what I take very serious at times. Like in a good movie when you lose yourself in a karakter. I am excited, I am in pain and it feels very weird but I love the experiences and the freedom I find in it all.
I am looking forward to this year, to this month, to tomorrow and to the couple hours I am about to sleep now. 2018, thank you for being so funny, weird, painful and free! This is already a great year.
Thank you Norway, for the last couple months! I have enjoyed your beauty so much. And thank you Marco, Marie-Jose and Balder for having me around. I’ll be back.