I posted in my recent blog post the picture: “So the adventure begins”… It did! Since I left it is quite an adventure. What a beautiful Island is Maui, Hawaii. I stepped into paradise. Sun, palmtrees, beautiful beaches, flowers, whales jumping out of the water all around. The first days I could cry almost every hour of graditude and love I felt for being alive and for being here by sensing all of the beauty.
The retreat I was attending of Benthinho Massaro started the second day, with a group of 170 awake human beings deepening ourselves. The sessions were full of insights, seeing the illusions of situations and feeling my truest self. Lighting up as one, the one being. I can’t explain in words. You find all sessions within the Trifinity Academy. Energies running trough my body I’ve never felt before. It felt like creating a totally new world. I felt all the power in me to live my highest potential and to create whatever wants to be created trough me. A feeling of surrender to life. This may sounds a little cheesy, but I can’t explain what happened these days.
With this high energy field on this Island and during the retreat, al thoughts of a lower frequency (fears) are coming to the surface to be seen as well. The energy of this Island is so strong, gentle and loving, all you feel is 10 times as strong, is what I experience. The positive and the ‘negatives’. Moments of extreme bliss, gratitude and happiness alternately with fears, old believe patterns.. “Can I really do this? What am I supposed to do and where should I go? Why is it al blurry right now? Do I have enough money to do this? What do other people think of me, when I’m feeling those fears? Why, why, why, am I feeling so unconfident right now, this is not how I am suppose to feel and be”. It feels like being in an earthquake what is shaking all things up. I thought I’ve had let go of all those lack believes and that I was confidently swimming in trust and love, feeling save in this world. I’ve been trough all of it many times… but it is coming to the surface again. What means the universe is telling me that there are still thinking patterns and disbelieving instead of abundance.
The days after the retreat I went deeper into al those fears, because I was fighting against it. I wanted to be back on this high flying disk, what makes me feel that I can literally do anything in this world. How stronger the ‘negative’ feelings are popping up, the stronger I was fighting against it, I separate myself from the world and others, because Roeleke thinks she can ‘fix’ everything by herself. She doesn’t need help. Ahum.. yup.. 😉
Being surrounded by 3 loving people mirroring me, is what helped me to allow myself to feel the way I feel, just feeling and be totally okay with it. Like the praying mantis who came to me (symbol of balance, stillness, awareness, intuition… hearing the inner/heart voice instead of the external/mind voice). It’s not about fixing, it’s about allowing and feeling the way I feel. Because it is all perfect! I’m becoming aware of the old believes I apparently still believe in, so I can transform them. The game of life. A transparent communication with the universe.It is showing you by the way you feel if you are in alignment with your true self or not. How WONDERful!
I’m a little nicer for myself these days. Playing, swimming, jogging, eating healthy food and I start to see the perfection of these challenging times. I was celebrating it with the beautiful Julia on the beach last night.
When I take a deep breathe and relax, there is seriously nothing to feel bad about. The beauty of this Island, the loving people around me, the perfection of this life time… When I surrender and let go… the magic and aliveness pops right back in. Thank you universe for the contrast and learning circles!
Much love to you all.